Not Again…

It is almost midnight, and there is so much to say about today. I should be excited about the kids who are graduating or my daughter’s super awesome performance at UTA with the school band, but all that I can think about is that 19 kids and 3 adults are no longer here because of senseless violence.

The idea that my wife, most of my friends, and my other online peeps are educators makes this chilling…we are sorry that we couldn’t protect the kids, we are so sorry we couldn’t protect the teachers, and we are so ashamed that during a time where mental health and safety are such a big deal that ‘the powers that be’ could only focus on testing and money and other crap instead of a teacher, a kid, and a field that needed protection.

19 kids…19 sets of families will never be the same, and we pray with them.

3 adults and their families will never be the same, and we pray with them.

Keep us safe…address the issues…and please not again!

Crazy Year…but thankful as well!

Hi all…it is New Year’s eve…I decided to write…again! I also went back and reviewed some old posts…and I can be really dark. That needs to change.

To set the stage, this is the first New Years that I have been alone…don’t feel sorry for me, I have my two dogs, grand dog, gecko, bearded dragon, and the newest member of the Pogue household…Billy the Goat…see the picture…with me. My younger daughter wants to be a vet, so we told her to take an AG class…and OMG, it has been the best experience for all of us…and not to freak people out, my wife and kids are at the beach, socially distance from everyone. She is a school teacher, and her mother wanted to get away from 2020…so we said, bye, relax…you deserve it.

COVID has been crap, but let’s take stock and remember the good stuff. Yesterday, I made my granny’s and mom and dad’s jumbala…by myself. I think my parents were more excited than I was. We talked and texted and facetimed for 2 hours (dish cooking time) and they called later to confirm good taste. That’s a win…I haven’t seen them much because of COVID, but guess what, thanks 2020 for that awesome experience with my parents!! Probably would not have happened any other year…just saying!

Also, we must take stock with what we have and tell people how we feel because loss has hit us in the face this year.

Michael Hinesly, your one of the few non-family members who reads this, so I am throwing out my love and sympathy to you my friend…I am sorry about your losses this last month. We all love you, and pray with you every day.

WSISD and WSISD Special Programs…you are the most amazing people…dealing with COVID, state rules regarding COVID, and me. You are unbelievable, and I could do without you…all of you…extra shout outs to Cassondra, Mandy, Chris, and Mr. Molinar. We could not be great without people and support like you! To Suzanne and Brittany , we are praying with you on your journey!

What you choose to focus on defines you…I have cussed more in 2020, seen more people cry in 2020, and questioned my abilities more in 2020 than at any point of my life…but, big but here, what I am going to focus on is the awesomeness of the short time with Kylo, his amazing surviving brother Oakley, the new goat, the fact that I have 2 amazing girls who are smarter and more talented that I ever was or will be, my work family that makes me smile and laugh (I will have to explain the Julie glamorous comment next year) every day, and my amazing wife whom I will be married to 25 years in June. She is the family rock.

Here’s to a vaccinated, healthy, lower weight, better golf game, and amazing 2021!

Grief comes in many forms

It has been two weeks since the loss of our Kylo.  I know that loss has a different effect on each person.  I also know this is a puppy…there are real painful losses of human life that I am not comparing this one to…but I still grieve.

COVID started for us like everyone else…how long will this last, are we ever going anywhere, what are we going to do, and are we going to be ok?  March 13 started that journey for us…it was a lot of things….especially time together!

My oldest daughter wanted a puppy for her new place at college, and we thought she was ready…and we had nothing but time.  Some of the only times my kids went out was to visit, pick out, and pick up the puppy.  Oakley was ours from the beginning.  We told my youngest that her time would come…we have 2 full-grown dogs, do we really need number 3 or 4?  When the puppies were ready…grumpy Rogue didn’t want to go, so he stayed home to support the changing lives of the 13-year-old lab and the 7-year-old German shepherd.

Then, the call came in…Hey daddy, a family had a situation and they couldn’t take Kylo…can we please have him?  Oh, dear…grumpy daddy melted, $500 more spent…we are about to have 2 new puppies!  Raising puppies is difficult, fun, rewarding, and something I love to do…but now that I am a little older, it is a little more difficult.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago…I stayed home because the 5-6-month-old puppies needed to be snipped…and Mrs. needed to be at school getting ready for virtual teaching.  Easy…take a day, cone up some puppies…hang out with daughter, easy day!  Kylo goes first…we were told that if the surgery was easy, he would not need a cone, and we could get him in 1-2 hours.  I was uneasy…it was a traveling vet…that we have used for a while…he said I did this yesterday on same weight boy.  The vet has been working as a vet for 25 years…he made me feel at ease.

2 hours…I am ready to see my little buddy…floppy-eared…follows us everywhere…the runt of the litter…my puppy (that my youngest and I shared).  There was a knock at the door…Kara came to grab Oakley so he wouldn’t run…life was a flutter and full of energy.

You need to step outside…there has been a problem.  I didn’t hear him, excuse me…there has been an issue, Kylo is gone…all of you parents know what happened next…my little Kara…my Kylo…the sadness.  The vet tech…his daughter was crying…we comforted each other…she said he kissed me before he went under…the sadness.

It has been a hard two weeks…I have been in a funk…I miss my little buddy…

Putting old dogs down is hard, but I can rationalize and grieve easier…the sadness…the grief is more difficult, I miss my little buddy!!

Kylo is the black, white, and brown puppy…Oakley, his brother, is the brown one that we love and spoil every day!!

9 Days of School Joy

It’s been a long time…in fact, I almost gave this up until I was inspired across a nine day span…I saw…really saw…what joy is really about.  I hope to keep seeing this as we move forward in life…work life.

Last week, my department hosted Bear Tracks…we invite 3 school districts to come and celebrate a great school year with our friends with the most needs.  Our kids play…laugh…run…eat with buddies from our HS.  Parent and teachers watch.  It is without a doubt the best day of the year.  I get to work the field…get on the mic…and handshake a lot of people because of the hard work of people from my school board to my superintendent to my APE teacher that organizes this.  Without that, Bear Tracks would be another event…it is THE EVENT.

After an awesome weekend with the family, I started thinking about the State Special Olympics.  To be truthful, I was not sure how excited I was…not because of the kids or the event…but being away for 4 days…that was not an exciting point.  Minutes before we went to the HS, three people that I wanted to hire said yes…I was really high on excitement!!  That was the low point of the week…re-read that..I hired three people that we all wanted…they said yes…and it was the low point of the week.

That is what Special Olympics is about.  It is about competing and celebrating with joy.  I watched kids smile…I watched parents cry…and I watched kids not even know they were at the Special Olympics (they were athletes competing…competing with themselves and with people to the left and right of them).  We ate dinner together…we danced together…we played uno together…we won medals and ribbons together.  None of this could have happened without the kids, the parents, or the community.  My school board, my superintendent, Mr. Jenkins, my coaches made this the most awesome 3+ days that I have experienced in some time.  My voice and sunburned body are still recovering, but I would get back in the car tomorrow.

Small story…all the event were great.  The last event with our kids was the most emotional, exciting , and joyous 2-ish minutes ever.  It was the 4X100 meter relay…girls…I remember us begging for a medal…please, we were not super fast but we had a bomb anchor girl…then the gun went off…first leg was great (we were in shouting distance of 3rd)…second leg, we passed third place and we held our breath…third leg, J (I think her mom screamed during the entire live post from point forward) takes the baton and then magic continued…second place was getting caught (small chance, but a chance…then the anchor leg, first place was gone, but our last athlete sprinted (she’s really fast) we separate from 3rd, and then with about 50 M to go the gap got shorter and shorter until with roughly 5 M to go she pulled even leaned forward and won second place at the wire.  That story played out all weekend…but the cheers for those 4 exemplified what all the athletes trained for…an opportunity for greatness and joy.  We get silver…but our screams sounded like we won gold…that’s happiness, that’s joy, that’s inspiration, that’s what Special Olympics and our Special Programs and WSISD wants for our kids.

No names of kids…but I am proud of all of you.

Mandy, Massey, Robin, and Gabby are my heroes…there would be no San Antonio without them.  Thank you parents for being there…Respect!  Mr. Molinar and Mr. Jenkins, thanks for supporting our Special Programs and living ‘All means All’.

Go All, Go Bears, Go Jets

 

Greatest Team in the Universe

Random hot sports opinion…it’s gonna be a long Cowboy season…

I work in a place that I really like…I like it so much that after 2 full years I have an entire drawer of blue (and some black) shirts that I wear when I am home…last week I wore a different shirt and was asked why I was changing it up…that is how much I love my work place.  We support each other, and even when things appear to be making hard for one of us (see last week’s post) there are a lot of my team mates around to pick me up, high five me, and (when needed) kick me in the butt to be better.

My boss always starts with, “We are in a great place.”  We are, and I am.

I saw something last week that I haven’t ever seen in 20 years.  Quick background…most of the PD that we get relates to our department…sometimes we cross over, but it is rare because of the needed focus that we have.

Well, there was a PD opportunity that was bigger than a department…I briefly mentioned in (kind of a throw away comment) an email…not expecting anything.  2 days later, 4 of my colleagues and I are signed up.  We spent the day together learning about the big cogs that make systems work, and we each had some knowledge to support one another on these big topics…it was kind of cool, and reinforced the ‘we’ mentality.   Our district will be better because of that.

It continues to grow and evolve, but it sure put me in a reinforced mindset of us, and the greatest team in the best district in the universe.

Not listening to Him

So, it is Tuesday…not Sunday.  I know what I wanted to write about, but I wasn’t sure how to say or title it…I think this will make sense.  The most difficult part is to reflect without throwing people under the bus because this is my reflection and not my bitching session…

Last week, there were a lot of things that were difficult.  My feelings got hurt, I felt attacked, and was unsure with what direction I want to respond, flow…whatever.  I even told a close peer that I was ready to quit…I hadn’t used that phrase in quite sometime, so I really needed to figure out where this was coming from and how to work through it.  For the next few days, some of my close peeps would ask if I was ok, tell me that we got his, and remind me of the path we chose to take together.  Now, these peeps know that when I hear this from them…I need to look in the mirror because I should not take that lightly.  As I started to reflect on how to work through this, I wondered if I was listening to the messages around me…those from people and those from Him…I really don’t talk much about God in my blogs, but I should at least attempt to hear some things He says…and I am getting better.

So, as I am spiraling and not able to get my s together, there are some interactions that I had with several people who had no knowledge of my angst…cause I wear a good mask!  They started talking about things directly opposed to what got me down…and all day I heard this…and at the end, my peer friend said…we got this, and its gonna be ok.  From that moment, I was still frustrated, but I moved on to a point where I was ready to support and solve problems…and maybe, I could have gotten there sooner if I had listened…even if is was not Him, He was helping me listen to my peeps and reminding me…we got this, and we got u.

A lot of time was wasted not listening…but I have to acknowledge we all have moments where we hear nothing even though words are entering our ears, but as I learned…a good listen can help a lot.

An end of the week shh….

So, to end my trilogy of posts this week, I want to go back to the last several weeks…the beginning of the year is stressful (not a new fact), I always tell peeps to relax and think since it is so early, and my staff says that I was a bit on edge…I even got into some heated conversations at work with people that I don’t typically do.

So, to end the week, my father in law and I decided to see a movie…I love movies, I go to a couple of dozen a year, and I love the reserved seating bit.

This time was like every other time…I get to the theater, and he is waiting…we shake hand and go in…pretty easy.  This movie was quite short compared to the others…it had about 10 previews.  We had about ten minutes before the previews, and we chatted about volleyball and seeing my daughter perform at college…regular stuff.

The theater goes dark…a commercial before the previews is playing and we are finishing a conversation…then I hear it, and that’s when I way have gone a bit too far…my staff would totally understand.

I hear a ‘SHHHHHHH!!!’  We were by far not the only ones talking, but I do wanna see where this is coming from…it is an older than me lady, and she points to me, points to the screen, and asks me to be quiet.

I am usually pretty calm…I usually can let things go…my staff and wife might totally disagree…I was feeling pretty calm until that moment…then I did something that I would not normally do…I responded, and I was not forgiving nor super sweet, but I was not rude.  I looked at her and said in a quiet Pogue voice that does not exist, “hey…the movie or the previews have not even started…don’t worry, it will be ok!’  I am sure you can sense the tone…my father in law chuckled, and we about our business…and by the way, unlike the 10 people that I saw in front of us…we did not check our phones or talk during the movie…shhh-ing me…please!

This did signal to me that maybe I needed to calm down…my staff would agree!

Masks

Sorry this is a bit late…my daughter had her first volleyball game…and I fell asleep.

At church, we learned about the masks we wear.  Sometimes, we put on a happy face, or a ‘I like that idea’ face, or ‘I am happy to be here,’ face.  What’s interesting is that many times when we work or are with people we don’t really know who they are.  We play the part of whatever role we are in…kind of like a hypocrite…not the kind that says one thing, does another…but one who has on a mask to play the part.

The hard this to think about is when is my mask on?…and can I take it off to let others in?

Sometimes masks hide anger, sadness, or anticipation…I work with kiddos who have struggles to significant struggles, and I notice that they are less likely to wear masks.  Sometimes, we get on to them because of the honesty, but we can use this openness to let others in and see who we are.  Not everyone is going to like everything…but real friends and people you want to be around will accept the connection that you will make when you take off your masks.

 

 

Weight of Words

I am a little late with blog…the topics have been rolling around in my head for a bit, and it finally hit me how to talk about this after a meeting that I had this afternoon.

These three things (this is blog post 1 of the week, there will be one tomorrow and one Friday) don’t see to connected, but I had several items happen this week that bring these things together in a way that I can write about…It started when at a meeting/PD day I got a chance to talk about some new IEP stuff with principals…I always tell my team that I need several hours…its an old joke and no one laughs or calls me on it, so I really go with either 5 or 10 minutes…I have learned that in a longish meeting already that if I can give the team 1 thing to remember and apply then it is a good day in IEP land.  The key phrase was revolved around the weight of teachers words…not to bore you, but I reminded the team that we must always remember that what a teacher/educator says has weight and that is needs to be used carefully.  I wasn’t sure how that would play until…

I went to my daughters open house…different district.  I remember 3 teachers very distinctly for different reasons, and it relates to weight of words.  Two teachers were very engaged in how the kiddos were going to learn, how they could support, and what to do if we needed anything.  I really appreciate that as a parent…I love teachers who love what they teach!

Then the third teacher made it very clear that she only works from 745 to 345 or 4 and doesn’t do tutorials during lunch because she is not paid to do so.  Now, nothing she said was wrong…but the weight of her words left me thinking that my kiddo (and the other kiddos) are only important during paid hours.  My wife (a really awesome teacher) looked at me and knew that I was done listening…I know the teacher probably didn’t mean how she said what she said, but it lends to the weight of words of an educator.

So, as I reflect…my staff has told me that I have been a little on edge since the beginning of the year, and even upset a few with a strongly worded email…or two.  It is hard in the moment, but what we say, especially in the arena that I work, carries weight a long way outside of the conversation we are having…have you said something you regret…has the weight of what you have said fallen wrong on others?

Tomorrow…masks…what mask are we wearing, and is it who we really are?

Friday, the lady who shhhhh’d me 15 minutes before the movie started and connecting this week’s posts.

 

Brand and what’s important

Living the Brand

So, it’s Sunday evening, and I am ready for week 2…my daughter gets to see what team of volleyball she made, my college daughter starts school (college classes) tomorrow, and I start back to the gym for real.

At church, my eyes were opened to a new idea of forgiveness and repentance (change,sorry)…in a very mathematical way.  Thanks Jason!  He said that when we wrong or things are wrong…we have always repented/changed/’sorried’…to get forgiveness.  He talked about the idea that by forgiving first that we will free ourselves to let others change/repent/’sorry’ instead of manipulating it…it was really deep, and (through very little justice here) I realize that forgiveness can be easy…forgiving and having faith that behavior will change second…that’s a little harder.

Last Thursday, I got to see the belief in culture in WSISD of carrying the brand in person for the third straight year.  It was 100 degrees…it was packed (see the link), but it did not matter…we were all there to get shirt, hug our friends, and carry the brand of the Bear.  I know we are a small district, but I don’t see other district doing something like this…its more than football…its a life style that being a brand (or a bear in my case) creates a greater community for the kids, the parents, and the staff.  It is really cool, and I think communities could become greater with a get-together like this…It is so important to me that I had to clean out a drawer to organize the blue…that’s a first.  Living the brand is much more than a shirt or a hot dog with my daughter or ‘being’ seen at events…living the brand is letting your need to control things go and doing great for the place where you work, live, or play.  Some of the people that I have contact with understand and live that very well, some don’t, and some aren’t even sure what living the brand means.  I hope that after you finish this, you ask your self do I live the brand for my community, my work, my…if you don’t what’s the point?

I put both of these together as I feel they are connected…I am not comparing Jesus to a brand…but I do feel that if I can live the brand of the Bears, that I can live the idea that there no need to manipulate others by holding forgiveness like a prize.  It sounds silly, but it is a lot harder to do.  What do you think?